Tuesday, April 28, 2009

waiting for and then fainting on the plane...

And I sit here waiting again… they don’t have free Internet in the Frankfurt Airport and I refuse to pay 8 euro for an hour. So by the time you read this I’ll no longer be waiting in the airport but more than likely sleeping in my room back at RoHo. Knowing this information, however, does not stop me from talking about my waiting process.
(*Oh and FYI I am sick… and on Sudafed - recreation drug of choice - and therefore this post could at times shift into incoherency)

Did you know that Jude Law advertises Dior Cologne? I am currently surrounded by 3 advertisements for said cologne… one thing I am not surrounded by is other passengers. I of course again arrived early for check-in because stupid me actually heeded the request from the Frankfurt Airport to arrive 2 hours early, only to get through security with alarming ease. Highlight of the 30-second security process – the obviously bored guards checking my bags. Conversation went as follows:

Security Guard: (*Something in German*)
Me: Spreckin’ Ze English bita?
SG: haha… (teasing tone) oh miss this is the German check in, English check-in is over there. Haha
Me: you’re funny, haha
SG: do you have liquids or a computer in your bag?
Me: I have no liquids, but my computer is in my backpack
SG: (Teasing tone) oh this is Sunday miss, on Sundays and Saturdays there are no computers allowed at the Frankfurt Airport. Hehe
Me: Germany is SO weird, hehe.
Second SG: (*translates that*) haha… oh and on Sundays we require passengers to undress and hand over their email and phone number… (teasing tone)
Me: Ah… cheeky!
All 3: (*laughter*)
Me: (*grab my bags*) Goodbye. Danka Shoen.

(*End scene*)

Like I said I was tired and hopped up on Sudafed… and the guards were bored… and there was no one else here. Seriously… no one. I am sitting by my lonesome 2 hours before my flight leaves.

Time elapse 3 hours….

I got on the plane and immediately felt incredibly yucky and just plane tired, so I sat in my window seat (chosen because I wanted to sleep) and took a snooze… awoke as the plane was taking off…. Awoke again as the people were coming around with snacks… and then it hit me!! I sat up to be ready to get come sprite and a biscuit and my stomach lurched… Oh no, why did I pick a window seat?? I lay my head back against the window… don’t throw up, you’re gonna be okay, is there a bag by your seat? DON’T THROW UP!!! The flight attendant man then asks me, “would you like any refreshments?” and all I can get out is, “bathroom.” So sad Miranda, he probably thinks you’re on drugs. “So you don’t want refreshment?” “no.” Then the cold and clammy-ness hits me. The people in the middle an aisle seat next to me immediately scramble to get out of my way. I proceed to head down the aisle and the room begins to twirl… don’t faint, don’t faint, don’t faint, don’t faint… and as I reach the back of the plane, just in front of the bathroom, a tiny little voice from far away whispers, “Miranda, sit down.” Oh thank you… so I vaguely remember sliding along the wall after everything went black, and I vaguely remember hear the flight attendant – seemingly far away say, “Oh no!” and then I woke up. A nice man from a near by seat had caught me on the way down and was till holding my hand, the flight attendant was helping prop my feet up. I didn’t even try to pretend to be capable of anything… I just lay there and answered their questions, “have you eaten anything today? Have you been to Mexico recently? (There’s that swine flu again) Are you traveling alone? Are you headed back to the stated today?” Miranda, this is so lame, seriously? You fainted on the plane?... After a few more questions and determining that I was infinitely dehydrated, they sat me in the back room with a water bottle and delicious chocolate biscuits. They took down an incident report and then moved me up to first class with more chocolate biscuits and water. I even had a wheelchair meet me at the gate. There was another old lady there who needed a wheelchair too and she didn’t speak English and she was yelling at the driver that he had her passport… she was crazy. By the time I got to baggage claim I was okay, just weak and tired. I miraculously made it back to royal Holloway, got my bags from Phoebe’s room, was so excited to see Phoebe after almost 3 weeks, and then I slept for 13 hours. I woke up feeling much better at 7am!
It’s not the swine flu… and I never threw up, so I’m thinking it was just dehydration coupled his a righteous cold and slight fever. But man it was a memorable experience. Something that makes me laugh is that something all too similar happened to me when I was in massage school… I was sick and felt nauseous so I headed to the bathroom and got to the bathroom door, opened it and slid down the wall to faint. Priceless.

Okay… I will now take this opportunity to post about my trip. Scroll down.

P.S. I figure since both my mother and Amy are currently posting about their trips to visit me, I can hold off on posting about those for now…

Mom’s Blog
Amy’s Blog


Amy T Schubert said...

yea, but in massage school you didn't get bumped up to 1st class.... MAN! why didn't I think of that!?

NanAZ said...

So you notice that Germans are not very subtle or PC in their flirting. They are quite a blunt group of people.

First class is not so bad, but I'm sure the fainting part was not so fun.