Here we go...
I'll start by saying that there is such a difference between preparing for your first baby and your second baby. When I was pregnant with Will, I had my hospital bag packed by 30 weeks, his nursery complete by 36 weeks, and my house perpetually clean in case he decided to come unexpectedly early. This time, by my 36 week appointment, I hadn't even had my baby shower yet and didn't have my suitcase down off the garage shelf. So I was in a bit of a panic when at my 36 week appointment my doctor, Dr. Schwartz, told me I was almost 3cm dilated and 60% effaced. She warned me I may want to have a plan in place in case Cora decided to come earlier than my planned c-section at 39 weeks (March 20th). Will was born exactly 1 day before his due date, so I was surprised at the idea of this one coming earlier than 1 week! I went home and scrambled to set up a bassinet, started throwing things into a suitcase, and made lots and lots of lists to prepare.
One week later, for my 37 week appointment, I was checked again and hadn't progressed at all. My doctor also told me that Cora was as high up as she possibly could be, so I was confident that labor wasn't going to happen any time soon. I was so relieved and decided to set aside my feverish planning for the rest of the day and relax.
I remember that evening, as I was hobbling around the house uncomfortably 8 months pregnant, I had the thought that while I was glad Cora wouldn't be coming for a little while longer, I was so done being pregnant. But Aaron and I had a full week ahead of us with a few appointments for Will and then our friend's wedding and another friend's baby shower that weekend! I just kept thinking that if she did decide to come early, I just needed to make it to Monday and I would be more ready. I went to sleep that night completely confident that baby girl was staying where she was.
A little after 2am, I got up to use the bathroom and then crawled back into bed. As I was falling back to sleep I had a braxton hicks contraction like I normally did after any sort of activity. I rolled over to help it pass and as I did, my water broke. My first thought was to save our brand new mattress, and so I leapt out of bed saying, "oh my God, oh my God" over and over again. Aaron woke up with a jump and asked what had happened. I informed him my water had just broken and he immediately sighed in relief and said, "oh gosh, I thought something bad had happened like someone had broken in or Will was in danger!" I laugh now, but at the time was so annoyed that he didn't consider my water breaking to be something important!!!
As my mind began to process the fact that I was actually in labor, I immediately felt so incredibly pissed! I was not ready to have this baby! It was too early! I only had a few items of clothing in the hospital bag and everything else was still spread around the house. Speaking of my house, it was a disaster because I have a toddler and little energy to pick up after him constantly. Aaron asked if I should call my doctor or if he should call his mom to come over. My response was, "I'm gonna take a shower." But, I did hand him my phone with the hospital bag lists so he could start gathering things up into the bag. When I was done with my shower I asked if he wanted to take a shower next. His response: "No, I'm ok, shouldn't we go?" My response: "eh, we're good. Take a shower." I had reached the full denial phase. There was still a piece of me that thought maybe it wasn't my water breaking (even though it clearly was). I moved at a glacial pace around the house gathering things and getting dressed. I just didn't want to fully acknowledge this was happening.
Pretty soon after my water broke, I felt my first contraction. With Will my contractions didn't start right away after my water broke and weren't painful at all until a few hours later. My contractions this time started right away and were strong enough for me to have to stop walking and pause for a second. This should have been motivation to get my butt in gear and go to the hospital, but my denial was more powerful. Finally when Aaron got out of the shower, I called my doctor and they told me to go to the hospital and when the hospital confirmed I was in labor, my doctor would head over for my c-section. Aaron called his mom to come over and be with Will. Laurie arrived about 10 min later at 3:30a and we left for the hospital. Not of course without me going into Will's room and standing over his crib quietly crying over the fact that I didn't get a proper goodbye cuddle and that this would be the last time I saw him when he was my only baby.
When I got in the car, I took a deep breath, cried a bit more and prayed that God would help me change my attitude and be on board for this all happening. I tried to let go of the fact that none of our family could be there to pray with us before the c-section or wait in the waiting room. I let go of my daughter's birthday not being March 20th - the first day of spring (I know that is a silly thing to grieve over, but I was so excited that she would be a true spring baby). I let go of not having a sibling gift for Cora to "give" Will when he met her. I let go of the fact that I was running on only 2.5 hours of sleep. Aaron and I prayed together and pretty quickly after I started getting excited to meet our little girl in just a few hours. We text the rest of our families to ask them to pray and to let them know that she was on her way!
We got to the hospital and I walked into our triage room at 4:03a. I remember this time because I was timing my contractions and they were pretty strong (about a level 5 pain wise) and about 8 min apart. Then we checked me in the triage room, I was already 6cm dilated and nearly fully effaced. This labor was progressing WAY faster than Will's did!
I wasn't sure what to expect having a repeat c-section, but having it be unexpectedly early. I didn't know how long we would have to wait. I actually was a little worried my doctor wouldn't be available to do the surgery! Thankfully as we settled into our triage room and I got hooked up to all the monitors, the nurse let me know that my doctor actually was already on her way to the hospital to deliver another patient who was fully dilated and ready to push. As soon as that patient was delivered, it would be time for my c-section! I was surprised it would be less than a couple hours until I delivered, but also relieved because my contractions were speeding up and getting a way more intense. Aaron and I were so thankful that everything was going so smoothly. It was actually so nice because there was never a moment at the hospital where we were waiting around with nothing to do. Nurses were coming in and out to check on me, finish my registration, and get my IV and fluids going. The anesthesiologist came in to let me know how everything would go in the OR. Then Dr. Schwartz came in and it was go time!! Not even an hour and 15 min after we arrived at the hospital, I was being rolled into the operating room.
Aaron and I were so amazed how incredibly different this experience was from Will's birth. For one thing, I was conscious and able to get out of my bed and walk to the OR table. Aaron wasn't able to come in with me right away and so I was alone with the medical team at the beginning. By the time I got into the OR my contractions were nearly on top of each other and I was squeezing the life out of Aaron's hand until we parted and then I just had the sides of the operating table to white knuckle while the pain was nearly unbearable. As I focused through each contraction, what sustained me was that very soon I would be getting a numbed from the naval down and that helped me get through! I got to the operating table and quickly got the numbing shot so they could put in the spinal needle to start my anesthesia. I was so thankful that as they laid me back on the operating table I could feel my feet going to sleep and the pain of my contractions going away.
As I lay back on the table, I remembered that my doctor had told me if I wanted skin to skin in the OR that I needed to let the nurse know. The hospital's policy was that a nurse had to take Cora right away to check her out at the baby station in the room before I could see her or do skin to skin. Luckily the table was going to be in my eye line the entire time and then after a minute or two, once they knew she was ok, I would be able to do skin to skin. As I lay flat on the table, I really couldn't see anyone else in the room except the anesthesiologist who was near my head, so I just said to the room at large that I wanted skin to skin. No one responded, but my anesthesiologist heard me and got the attention of the nurse and made sure she took note of my request.
Soon after, Dr Schwartz came into the OR and then they put up the sheet in front of my face and I started feeling them get me draped and situated. Aaron came in then and I was so thankful to see him. I had been warned that I would still be able to feel movement and pressure on my stomach and hips from them doing the surgery, but I wouldn't feel pain and this was definitely true. I could feel them press and pull and before I knew it the anesthesiologist let Aaron and I know that Cora would be born within the next minute! Seriously?! I couldn't believe how quickly that happened! I wasn't even sure they had made the first cut yet! The anesthesiologist (man, I wish I had remembered his name cause he was amazing) was the only person talking to us while every one else was intently focused on the surgery (rightfully so). He was so kind and let Aaron know the best place to stand to get the right view of her arrival. I felt them press down on the top of my stomach to "push" her out and then heard Schwartz declare, "There's her head!"...
And then I heard the most glorious sound!
Cora's sweet cry filled the room and I instantly started crying!
There was such a wave of redemption and a wave of grief all at once. So much of what I lost with Will and didn't get to experience in his birth was healed and redeemed in this moment, but I also had a wave of sadness now fully understanding what I missed with him. It was so incredibly bitter sweet, but definitely more sweet!
Schwartz handed Cora off to the nurse and I was so excited to get to have a clear view of her while the nurses wiped her down and checked her out. I couldn't stop smiling and ached to have her in my arms. I remember someone saying that she had a bit of hair and so when I saw her on the table I was actually quite shocked, because "a bit of hair" was an understatement! Our girl was born with a full head of adorably and surprisingly DARK hair! I had been picturing her having the same hair color as Will, so I was shocked beyond anything to see a raven haired little girl!
It was only about a minute and a half before they brought her over to me and she was on my chest. Oh my word, what an incredible feeling to hold her in my arms and see her only minutes old! I got to stare at her sweet face and take her in as they put my body back together. I can't actually tell you how long it took to close me up, but it probably was around 30-40 min. I didn't feel any of that time pass and it was as if Cora and I were in a completely separate world as we gazed at each other.
The anesthesiologist switched on my morphine drip and I was started getting a bit shaky and had to pass Cora off to Aaron. I thought holding her myself was a complete dream, but watching Aaron hold his daughter was equally magical! Aaron was born to be a dad and I knew that he would make an exceptional dad to a little girl! What a sweet moment to watch him take her in and walk around the room with her.
After each of us had gotten a good snuggle, we handed her back to the nurses and they continued checking her and weighed her in at 7lbs 6oz and she measured at 20in. Her head was 14in and therefore in the 86%. Schwartz informed me as we were leaving the OR that she was glad we did the C-section because it was very clear to her that Cora wouldn't have been born any other way due to her size and the shape and position of my pelvis. I didn't really care either way at that point, I only cared that she was in my arms.
I held her on the bed all the way to the recovery room, which was such a peaceful and sweet space for us to begin our time with her. The lights were dim and the room felt surprisingly cozy considering we were in a hospital surrounded by machines and medical equipment. They continued to monitor Cora and I and made sure we were doing ok. Both of our body temperatures were a bit low, so they put her on my chest and we did more skin to skin covered in warm blankets. I was still dealing with the shakiness of morphine, so a lot of the time was spent trying to relax as much as I could. Cora also had her first feeding. I had been nervous because Will was SUCH a champ at eating right away and I didn't want to expect that perfection again, but I was so happy that she took to it right away! She actually happily ate for over 30 min on each side! This was my first inkling that this girl LOVES to each, which is still true 5 weeks later.
The nurses shift change happened while we were in recovery, so we met a new nurse and then soon after we were moved into the room we would stay in for the rest of our hospital stay. I was able to properly sit up finally and I had stopped shaking, so I could really start to take her in and just stare at her! I just couldn't believe she was here and in my arms. It was 7:30a by the time we got to our room and I realized what a whirlwind I had been in since 2a! For the rest of the day, Aaron and I would look at the clock and try to remember where we had been in the midst of Will's labor at that time vs. our life with Cora.
It was interesting because my labors with both kids had started almost at the exact same time (1:30a and 2a respectively). With Will at 7:30a I was still walking the halls waiting for my contractions to get strong enough, and this time with Cora, she was here and we were already comfortably tucked into our little hospital room relaxing.
I had started my labor with a lot of anxiety and frustration that my plans had been thwarted and thinking about all the things that I wasn't able to control. But as I stared at my sweet girl in my lap, none of it mattered. She was perfect and safe and healthy and just the sweetest and sleepiest little bundle of love.
Pretty soon after my water broke, I felt my first contraction. With Will my contractions didn't start right away after my water broke and weren't painful at all until a few hours later. My contractions this time started right away and were strong enough for me to have to stop walking and pause for a second. This should have been motivation to get my butt in gear and go to the hospital, but my denial was more powerful. Finally when Aaron got out of the shower, I called my doctor and they told me to go to the hospital and when the hospital confirmed I was in labor, my doctor would head over for my c-section. Aaron called his mom to come over and be with Will. Laurie arrived about 10 min later at 3:30a and we left for the hospital. Not of course without me going into Will's room and standing over his crib quietly crying over the fact that I didn't get a proper goodbye cuddle and that this would be the last time I saw him when he was my only baby.
When I got in the car, I took a deep breath, cried a bit more and prayed that God would help me change my attitude and be on board for this all happening. I tried to let go of the fact that none of our family could be there to pray with us before the c-section or wait in the waiting room. I let go of my daughter's birthday not being March 20th - the first day of spring (I know that is a silly thing to grieve over, but I was so excited that she would be a true spring baby). I let go of not having a sibling gift for Cora to "give" Will when he met her. I let go of the fact that I was running on only 2.5 hours of sleep. Aaron and I prayed together and pretty quickly after I started getting excited to meet our little girl in just a few hours. We text the rest of our families to ask them to pray and to let them know that she was on her way!
I wasn't sure what to expect having a repeat c-section, but having it be unexpectedly early. I didn't know how long we would have to wait. I actually was a little worried my doctor wouldn't be available to do the surgery! Thankfully as we settled into our triage room and I got hooked up to all the monitors, the nurse let me know that my doctor actually was already on her way to the hospital to deliver another patient who was fully dilated and ready to push. As soon as that patient was delivered, it would be time for my c-section! I was surprised it would be less than a couple hours until I delivered, but also relieved because my contractions were speeding up and getting a way more intense. Aaron and I were so thankful that everything was going so smoothly. It was actually so nice because there was never a moment at the hospital where we were waiting around with nothing to do. Nurses were coming in and out to check on me, finish my registration, and get my IV and fluids going. The anesthesiologist came in to let me know how everything would go in the OR. Then Dr. Schwartz came in and it was go time!! Not even an hour and 15 min after we arrived at the hospital, I was being rolled into the operating room.
Aaron and I were so amazed how incredibly different this experience was from Will's birth. For one thing, I was conscious and able to get out of my bed and walk to the OR table. Aaron wasn't able to come in with me right away and so I was alone with the medical team at the beginning. By the time I got into the OR my contractions were nearly on top of each other and I was squeezing the life out of Aaron's hand until we parted and then I just had the sides of the operating table to white knuckle while the pain was nearly unbearable. As I focused through each contraction, what sustained me was that very soon I would be getting a numbed from the naval down and that helped me get through! I got to the operating table and quickly got the numbing shot so they could put in the spinal needle to start my anesthesia. I was so thankful that as they laid me back on the operating table I could feel my feet going to sleep and the pain of my contractions going away.
As I lay back on the table, I remembered that my doctor had told me if I wanted skin to skin in the OR that I needed to let the nurse know. The hospital's policy was that a nurse had to take Cora right away to check her out at the baby station in the room before I could see her or do skin to skin. Luckily the table was going to be in my eye line the entire time and then after a minute or two, once they knew she was ok, I would be able to do skin to skin. As I lay flat on the table, I really couldn't see anyone else in the room except the anesthesiologist who was near my head, so I just said to the room at large that I wanted skin to skin. No one responded, but my anesthesiologist heard me and got the attention of the nurse and made sure she took note of my request.
Soon after, Dr Schwartz came into the OR and then they put up the sheet in front of my face and I started feeling them get me draped and situated. Aaron came in then and I was so thankful to see him. I had been warned that I would still be able to feel movement and pressure on my stomach and hips from them doing the surgery, but I wouldn't feel pain and this was definitely true. I could feel them press and pull and before I knew it the anesthesiologist let Aaron and I know that Cora would be born within the next minute! Seriously?! I couldn't believe how quickly that happened! I wasn't even sure they had made the first cut yet! The anesthesiologist (man, I wish I had remembered his name cause he was amazing) was the only person talking to us while every one else was intently focused on the surgery (rightfully so). He was so kind and let Aaron know the best place to stand to get the right view of her arrival. I felt them press down on the top of my stomach to "push" her out and then heard Schwartz declare, "There's her head!"...
And then I heard the most glorious sound!
Cora's sweet cry filled the room and I instantly started crying!
Schwartz handed Cora off to the nurse and I was so excited to get to have a clear view of her while the nurses wiped her down and checked her out. I couldn't stop smiling and ached to have her in my arms. I remember someone saying that she had a bit of hair and so when I saw her on the table I was actually quite shocked, because "a bit of hair" was an understatement! Our girl was born with a full head of adorably and surprisingly DARK hair! I had been picturing her having the same hair color as Will, so I was shocked beyond anything to see a raven haired little girl!
The anesthesiologist switched on my morphine drip and I was started getting a bit shaky and had to pass Cora off to Aaron. I thought holding her myself was a complete dream, but watching Aaron hold his daughter was equally magical! Aaron was born to be a dad and I knew that he would make an exceptional dad to a little girl! What a sweet moment to watch him take her in and walk around the room with her.
After each of us had gotten a good snuggle, we handed her back to the nurses and they continued checking her and weighed her in at 7lbs 6oz and she measured at 20in. Her head was 14in and therefore in the 86%. Schwartz informed me as we were leaving the OR that she was glad we did the C-section because it was very clear to her that Cora wouldn't have been born any other way due to her size and the shape and position of my pelvis. I didn't really care either way at that point, I only cared that she was in my arms.
The nurses shift change happened while we were in recovery, so we met a new nurse and then soon after we were moved into the room we would stay in for the rest of our hospital stay. I was able to properly sit up finally and I had stopped shaking, so I could really start to take her in and just stare at her! I just couldn't believe she was here and in my arms. It was 7:30a by the time we got to our room and I realized what a whirlwind I had been in since 2a! For the rest of the day, Aaron and I would look at the clock and try to remember where we had been in the midst of Will's labor at that time vs. our life with Cora.
I had started my labor with a lot of anxiety and frustration that my plans had been thwarted and thinking about all the things that I wasn't able to control. But as I stared at my sweet girl in my lap, none of it mattered. She was perfect and safe and healthy and just the sweetest and sleepiest little bundle of love.
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